Sensing Finality

Summer has wrapped up in San Diego. The fall light, that only a native would really recognize, has moved in and that pleasant chill in the morning and late afternoon has arrived. I have the distinct feeling of nostalgia that I haven’t felt since senior year of college. A feeling born of knowing this is probably our last fall in San Diego.

That feeling is spawning other uncomfortable thoughts. This is my last gray whale season as a volunteer for the San Diego Natural History Museum Whalers. We may have already seen our yard in summer splendor for the last time. The house is filling up with piles of stuff for sale, donations, garage sales etc. and it is looking like we won’t be decorating for Christmas this year, so we have already decorated the last time. We have our last annual trip to Kauai scheduled for May. We probably won’t really be missing that on our adventure, but the nostalgic feeling I have thinking about it is still slightly discomfiting. We really will be leaving this place and these people within a year. Almost everything will change.

We are continuing to go through the house and try and get rid of over 30 years of what I will conservatively call collecting stuff. Today I read through some angst filled journal entries from college, found my 9th grade science fair project I did working with penguin chicks at Hubbs Sea World Research Institute, found my flute music books from 3rd grade, found the cards and wrapping paper from the baby shower my parents had when they brought me home as a baby and ruthlessly threw away almost all of it. Honestly, if I didn’t know I had it, I didn’t need to keep it. My mom used to say that if you have the space, you will fill it up. We filled up a 3 bedroom house with a 2 car garage we can’t park in and an attic. We are going to leave with just luggage and a small storage unit. I am feeling lighter already.shower cards

Still, it is an odd, not unpleasant but slightly sad feeling as we sense the last occurrence of things passing. It means we are closer to what seemed an impossible dream too far in the future to imagine. It’s vaguely frightening, definitely exhilarating and just interesting to observe in ourselves. We still don’t have a real timeline on actually leaving other than Dan’s retirement date of May 1, 2019. That uncertainty is a little disconcerting and we need to work on pinning it down some. That sounds like another post.

autumn coal color daylight

Photo by Vladislav Vasnetsov on

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